Birthday Suit optional…

I have a lot of hang-up’s regarding writing.  A lot of these hang-up’s are inconsequential, but they halt the process nonetheless.  Because of a mild case of OCD (self-diagnosed, of course, but completely accurate nonetheless…because I say so) I have been unable to write a sentence with a passive verb without immediately rewriting it in ten different ways since I took Comp I at ACC nearly three years ago now.

Thanks, Prof Johnston…thanks.

I also find when I write that my brain goes on thesaurus vaca and words, normally bursting with effervescence in my daily life, escape me and I end up writing sentences such as:  He was a person. 

Awesome, right?

(Bit of a side rant, here.  I love words, I truly do.  I especially love BIG words.  Anyone can say the sky is blue with white clouds, and that’s sufficient and descriptive, absolutely.  But isn’t it so much more delicious to say the sky glows with a cerulean fire whilst gossamer puffs of snow-white mist float serenely by?  See what I mean?  Just scrumptious.  However, there are those out there that abuse the thesaurus.  If I have to stop reading your book and grab a dictionary to try and figure out the context and meaning of your obscure synonym and how it fits into the sentence at large?  You’ve clearly gone beyond the boundaries of correct synonym usage and instead of the Smarty-pants you were hoping to convey you now appear an idiot.  Feeling obnubilated?  Exactly.)

Each of these hang-up’s are easily worked around, however.  The whole naked thing, though?  Not so easily pushed aside.  You see, Internet (and readers who made it past the diatribe above), when I write I feel more naked than I would if I started an all-naked-all-the-time mariachi band in the middle of Times Square (purely theoretical and I’m not keen on testing that theory).  And here we have arrived at the crux of the problem and essentially the reason for this blog.  Stories bang around my noggin and transfer to the page, but at about 40 or so pages in, my brain veers widely to the left and the story sits indefinitely waiting for its conclusion.  And I think the reason for this is because I really abhor the idea of someone reading my thoughts.  I’m a firm believer and die-hard fan of personal space (a ten foot radius is the acceptable minimum.  MINIMUM.) and the idea of putting my thoughts out there for the world at large fills me with immense trepidation.  I don’t mind an all-access pass to the quirky, fun side of my brain, because let’s face it, that side?  PURE AWESOMENESS.  The other parts of my brain, however, the parts where I house my opinions on love, death, children, relationships, friendships, religion, etc., etc.?  Those parts exist in the private side of my brain and I’m not entirely certain we’re good enough friends for you to have access to them.  When I write it feels like I’ve called a world-wide press conference, stripped naked and said, ok, here I am, take a gander, tell me what you think.  Considering I’m not a nudist—or a porn star—this sounds about as much fun as walking through a field full of razors (interestingly enough, this is the exact description of what it’s like to pick a pineapple).  So long story long, when I write, it’s akin to my mind wearing a birthday suit and subsequently, it gets camera shy and my stories go unfinished. 

So there you have it, Internet.  Today’s lesson? 

Turns out my brain is a prude.


4 Comments to “Birthday Suit optional…”

  1. Hello M5, M6 here.

    I feel that the onus is upon me, on behalf of myself and M1-4 to elucidate the fact that you are a HOT. MESS.

    p.s. i like big words too! =)
    Thanks Paul Rudd, thanks.

    • Oh shoot, M1-4 and yourself? Then it probably, most definitely is true. Consequently I wholeheartedly agree with your elucidation and have for nigh on one score and some crapload of years now. But it never excrutiates to be reminded every once in a while.

      Mahalo, Paul Rudd, mahalo.

  2. Ali just wat u write here is just great……. I am entertained with Ur daily blah Ness…….you r awesome with just this …..I laughed and hey it was fun to read .
    M1 Jared = sigh…awesomeness.

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