Archive for October, 2010

October 23, 2010

R-Evolve, aka the journey to kick-ass rock star swagger

Recently I had a conversation with my mom regarding the differences between myself and a girlfriend of mine.  I had stated that lately, on my end, the friendship has felt strange in comparison to how it was in the past but I can’t really define why.  We’re both at very similar points in our life:  married, want kids, successful, home-owners, etc, etc.  And yet?

Different.

My mom mentioned to me that from her perspective it seems as if my friend is more settled in her life than I am in mine.  At first I took offense to this.  I’m settled.  I’m more than settled.  I’m happy.  I have the things I’ve worked hard for:  a great husband, a lovely home, a steady income, good friends and family.  How is this not settled? 

And then I realized she’s right. 

I’m NOT settled.  Not completely.  I’m not anywhere near where I want to be on a universal level.  I spent a good amount of the last decade making decisions based on how others might perceive me instead of how I perceive myself.  Recently, I’ve stopped doing that.  And now I realize how many times I denied myself the opportunity to do the things I wanted to do because someone else might judge me critically for it.  To break it down, I cared waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much what other people thought of me.  And quite effectively convinced myself that I didn’t. 

Today’s a different story.  Now I’m doing things I want to do whether everyone else agrees with my decision or not.  The flip side is it’s made me realize I don’t have one tenth of an idea about the kind of person I want to be overall.  Certainly, I have a better idea than I did when I was making decisions to make others happy, but overall? 

Clueless.

And it had this perverse snowball effect as well.  Now I wonder how far I can push myself.  Just what lengths am I willing to go to for universal self-acceptance?  What fears am I willing to face?  What doors that I’ve always thought were barricaded from me am I ready to break down and bust through?  Which truths have I yet to uncover about myself? 

My ambitions are astronomically high, my dreams infinite.  My curiosity is limitless.  And due to a severe lack of impatience I want answers to these questions now, now, NOW.  I suppose this has exhibited itself outwardly as general unrest when it comes to me.  Perhaps this is why my friend is settled and I’m not.  Maybe she’s already answered these questions about herself.  Or maybe she doesn’t want to.  Either way, I haven’t and I want to. 

So, basically, this all boils down to the fact that, for the first time in my life, I’ve decided to dress up for Halloween at work.  In the past, I would have shied away from just such a thing because what will people think?  But since I’m on the path of self-discovery and my appetite is just shy of voracious, this is exactly the type of thing I now want to do.  And maybe it’s not that crazy and outrageous but it’s something that I wouldn’t have done in the past so this is definitely a precipice for me (a small one) but I’m willing to bet at least two cents it uncovers something I didn’t previously know about myself.  Or, at the very least, uncovers more of my path to self-acceptance. 

Kick-ass rock star swagger, here I come.

P.S.  Perhaps there are consequences to a kick-ass rock star swagger.  During a discussion at lunch today, my mom was quick to point out that I clearly want to meet 30STM so I can run off and have little Martian babies with them.  And she really doesn’t want little Martian grandbabies, thanksverymuch.

P.P.S. For the record?  I’m one-hundred fifty percent on the side of yes for mini-Martians.  A mini Jared Leto?  How freaking cute would that be?  But we’re strictly BFF’s and I’m a thousand percent on the side of yes to little Earth babies with Mbrothafromanothamotha, thanksverymuch.  Mini Mbrothafromanothamotha’s?  Now tell me that doesn’t make you smile.   

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October 7, 2010

This is who I really am….maybe….

I realized something today.

Now that I have spanky outrageous (but so totally awesome) hair and my mind is feeling pretty great, I’ve been feeling rather invincible.  Impervious to fear and doubt.  Bold, brash, daring. 

Turns out though?

I’m nothing more than a big fat liar. 

I suppose it started yesterday when I entered the My Darkest Days-Trapt-Skillet-Papa Roach concert at the Oakdale.  I entered the concert hall full of impudence due to pink-hair-awesomeness.  I rocked it to My Darkest Days (FYI, I kinda dig them, they’ve got a good vibe), tried to rock it to Trapt but something was horribly off with the sound (very disappointing, I’ve crushed on them for years.  I will offer them the chance to make it up to me however…) and then Skillet came on. 

And the moshing started. 

And I sincerely feared for my life.

And the moshing continued well into Papa Roach and no amount of smelling Jacobi’s sweat (True story.  M1 and I were close enough to the stage that I literally could smell every sweat droplet dripping from just about every damn inch of his body…) could deter from the fact that my life hung in a precarious balance between two MASSIVE gentlemen intent on murdering one another. 

And then today, the hubby (Mbrothafromanothermotha) informed me that he made an appointment for my birthday present.  Something that I asked for.  Something I’ve wanted for years.  And yet…

TERROR.

Ok, so that’s a tad on the dramatic side, but I was really freaking excited about my b-day present until I actually realized it was going to happen.  Now that I realize it’s actually going to happen, I have learned the harsh truth that sometimes…sometimes…your brain lies to you.  It fills your head with false notions of bravado and insists that you have, indeed, developed a kick-ass rock star swagger

Lies, Internet, nothing but lies.

Convincing ones too.  I was totally bamboozled. 

But maybe not.

Because I’ve thought about it some more and I think maybe there was some truth amidst the lies.  Maybe, just maybe, I don’t have the full-on swagger just yet.  Maybe I’m still in the crawling stage.  Because I’m actually pretty excited to face my fear and just do it this weekend (oo, foreshadowing…don’t be jealous of my skills….). 

Huh, look at that.  Turns out I have a kick-ass rock star crawl. 

You learn something new every day.

October 6, 2010

SHARKTOPUS!!

Yesterday, Again&Again recognized my AWESOMENESS.  As a thank you, today’s bloggity blog will feature them. 

(And the awesomeness just goes on and on and on….they should give me an award.)

You may remember the epic battle royale that took place a week or so ago between 30STM and A&A?  Yes?  And how A&A walked away with the big dubya? 

As part of their street team, I feel it is my duty to inform you that if you are not currently listening to them, START.  Mosey your way on over to iTunes and download their EP and their album, “Get More Gritty.”  And then head on over to their website and buy me the white hoodie for my birthday on Saturday.  I’m having a bit of a love fest for it.   

(It has two giant A’s on the front.  I like to think this is a subconscious holla! to me.  A for Ali + A for Awesomeness.  Heeheehee.)

And after you’ve developed a major music crush, as I have, why don’t you join myself and M1 and M6 on November 14 in New Hampshire, whilst we go and rock on at their show? 

In the meantime, here’s today’s crushworthy song:  Love Like Cold War.

Lather, rinse and repeat as necessary.

October 4, 2010

Brave New World

Ah!  For the love of 30STM!  What I’m about to tell you, Internet, is so dang exciting, I might burst from the anticipation of it all!  True freaking story! 

Upon my arrival home today, I logged into my email to see which of my adoring fans had hit me up (one) and as I was scrolling through message after message of effusive adulation re: the awesomeness that is moi, I came across an email from my very dear friends, Mr. Barnes & Mr. Noble.  Do you know what they told me, Internet?? 

Jasdfoijaeroiernfaoeirjwenrfosejawe roiasjfsmfjwe!

(That’s me so excited about what they had to say that my fingers couldn’t move fast enough for my brain.  Or my fingers moved too fast for my brain to follow.  Whatever.  The point is I’m excited.)

They told me they would love nothing more in this world than to publish my book.  My book!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????!!!!!

By far, the most exciting thing to happen this week. 

Soooooooooooo, adoring fans, prepare yourself for “Ali = Awesome = Ali” (working title) to hit your eReaders sometime hopefully before the end of 2010 via PubIt! by Barnes&Noble.  I guarantee it will be awesome. 

Like me!  😉

October 4, 2010

There is a fire inside and it started a riot about to explode into flames…

Yesterday, Internet, I did something so incredibly awesome, I honestly don’t know why I haven’t done this before.  Last night, M1 asked if I’d been nervous at all and I answered, with all honesty, that there wasn’t one moment that I second guessed my decision.  Though the idea had initially been mine in a smaller capacity, M6 takes the credit for helping it come to fruition. 

Normally, I’m not a risk taker.  Not necessarily because of cowardice, more because I imagine the repercussions of most decisions I make to the Nth degree and eventually decide it’s not worth the effort.  Unfortunately because of this proclivity for the safer path, I find that I make a lot of decisions that don’t necessarily benefit me in the best manner possible which is a nice way of saying I tend to make others happy over myself. 

Lately, though?  I want to do the things that make ME happy.  And this has resulted in me doing some things that most people who know me may feel are out of character.  I assure you, it’s not.  For a long while I existed under an ever-increasing cloud of misery (this cloud has a very specific name and M1, M6 and a handful of others know exactly of what I am speaking…) and while I very much wanted to do the things that made me happy, I found I was too bogged down by the cloud from hell to really find the energy or wherewithal to do those very things. 

Thankfully now the cloud from hell exists only in my memories and I now have the energy to do those things that make me happy.  Including this:

If I were casting Hurricane, I'd pick me.

Since I realize it appears I’m doing nothing more exciting than sitting amongst a triad of high heels (Viva l’Echelon!) I’ll direct your notice to my hair.  Ah, mais oui, it is beautiful, is it not?  The blond highlighting is superb.  Look closer.  See that gorgeous fuchsia?  That right there? 

Seventeen different kinds of AWESOME. 

Also, check out those heels!  Holla, M1 for the awesome kicks!  Look at these lovelies:

Best. Triad. Ever.

Lately? I’m having a bit of a love affair for the outrageous. 

And having the time of my life doing it, too.

P.S.  M1, M2, M6 and I are going to see 30STM on Nov 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

P.P.S.  Only slightly excited.