Swords, Zombies, and Cartoons: This post’s got it all

I had a conversation with a coworker recently and it inspired me enough to write this post.  She discovered that I’m a bit of a book whore and since then we’ve been making recommendations to one another.  Currently I’m in my Young Adult phase and was trying to describe the premise of The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and she was trying to remember a novel that pretty much every high-schooler reads in their high school career that had a similar post-apocalyptic/utopian kind of feel.  The only two books I can remember reading in high school are Animal Farm and The Catcher in the Rye

I hated both.  Like really hated them.  In a stab-them-with-a-sword-and-display-them-at-the-edge-of-my-yard kind of way.  (Behold!  I am Ali “The Book Impaler!”  Write an interesting novel and ye shall not be impaled!)

When I mentioned this, she regarded me in that typical you hated “The Catcher in the Rye”??? kind of disbelief that most normal folk exhibit upon hearing this sort of earth-shattering news.  Yes, yes, I did.  Holden’s a whiny bitch-ass.  And I don’t much care for repetition.  At certain points of any story, it can be quite effective, yes, agreed.  Calling every person you meet—every single damn one of them—a phony?  Not effective.  It’s aggravating in a stab-you-with-a-sword-and-display-you-at-the-edge-of-the-yard kind of way.  Grow up and grow a pair, Holden. 

But then my co-worker surprised me.  She admitted that she, too, hated it initially.  But she reread it this summer and you know what??  She realized that it’s actually quite funny.  And she suggested I reread it.  Great.  Now she’s on the bandwagon of “Holden Caulfield is the shiznit!”.  Sigh.  Somehow, though, this whole conversation inspired me though.  I realized I barely remember TCITR.  I don’t remember the plot at all, other than Holden’s a whiny bitch-ass that apparently has a limited vocabulary.  So how can I honestly say I hate this book?  And that line of thinking led me to think of all the other things in life I hated that everyone else loved.  And I realized most of the things that I hate originate from my childhood and I haven’t really viewed any of them with an adult eye so perhaps I really don’t hate these things in all reality. 

So you know what?  Challenge accepted, Linds!

Without further ado, I present to you the list of “Things I’d prefer to stab with a sword, but everyone else pretty much loves.”  I’ve decided I will revisit these terrible things and possibly formulate a new opinion.  I will then post said opinion on this here bloggity blog for your viewing pleasure.  I know, I know, I’m just too awesome for words.  It happens.  It’s science.

Things I’d prefer to stab with a sword, but everyone else pretty much loves:

1.  The Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger –  My current opinion:  Holden’s a whiny bitch-ass who needs to open a thesaurus once in a while.  My updated opinion will be a while on this one.  I’m rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows because I desperately want to see the movie but I read it so fast the first time three years ago that I barely remember what happens.  So once that’s all set and done, I’ll tackle TCITR.

Cover of

Cover via Amazon

 2.  “E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial” – My current opinion:  Elliott’s a whiny bitch-ass who needs to get some friends.  Some human ones.  I was nervous about displaying my opinion on this one.  People feel really strongly about E.T.  Mostly I think I hated this movie because E.T. goes all gray and zombie-like and Elliott’s really annoying when he cries about it.  I’ll let you know.  I’m pretty sure I can on-demand it so my updated opinion will be along shortly.

3.  The Beatles My current opinion:  I actually really like them.  So, why then, you ask, are they included on the sword-stabbing list?  In high school (well beyond The Beatles era) it seemed everyone and their brother were experiencing Beatlemania.  And to this day I cannot figure out why.  So that’s why I’m including them on this list.

4.  “A Charlie Brown Christmas – My current opinion:  Kill me now.  Honest to God, I’m looking forward to this one the least.  I want to viciously stab this movie.  But it’s been years since I’ve watched it.  So I don’t think it’s fair that I want to stab it and impale it on like seven different swords. 

That’s all I can think of right now.  Give me some suggestions.  Chances are if you liked it, I probably hated it.  I’m contrary like that.  Maybe we’ll make this an annual thing.

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5 Comments to “Swords, Zombies, and Cartoons: This post’s got it all”

  1. So I need to differ on some of your need to stab them in the gutt and display them in front of wal-mart for everyone to see. You see I LOVE E.T. because I like everyone else as Fabulous as me wants friends that are not from this world. Not the human kind. (UGH really humans can be whinny bitches, annoying and could get on anyones nerves). And OK i get the Charlie Brown Xmas shiznit. But Snoopy is my ultimate favorite puppy, my boy skates and plays the red comb thingamajig. !! SOOO not on the same page everything else on the list though can get stabbed in the throat. I LUVS ya!!! Adios.

  2. Things I hate that make me a daily target:
    1) The View (I’m sorry, but vagina/controversy is a lot less fun without booze)
    2) Kevin Costner, and every movie he’s ever been in. Ever.
    3) Every Robin Hood Movie.
    4) Mad Men
    5) The phrase, “a Whole Nother.”
    6) The movie Avatar.

    But I love your blog.

    • 1) Not much of a fan of The View myself. I kind of despise Meredith Vieira. She seems smug and judgey.
      2) Agreed. Waterworld makes me want to stab myself with a sword.
      3) I like Men in Tights. But then, I was always a sucker for Cary Elwes.
      4) I have not seen it.
      5) I know someone who says “tooken” instead of “taken.” This irks me endlessly.
      6) I don’t mind it. I like hearing the moments when Sam Worthington’s Australia comes through. It’s like a game. Except I’m the only one who plays it. And there is no prize for winning.

      Aw! That makes me happy and toasty warm in my heart. In a good way. Not in a creepy way. Like in a hot cocoa with real marshmallows kind of way. Unless you prefer the pre-marshmallowed cocoa. In that case, that kind. But what if you hate hot cocoa? Then another hot beverage kind of way. Unless you prefer all your beverages cold…

      What I mean is thank you (insert big grin) and I’m flattered. I heart your blog, as well. 🙂

      • I feel I should expand on #1 because I know Meredith is no longer with The View. She was the reason I never got into it in the first place. Because she seems smug and judgey. Now I’m sure if I tried watching it again I’d find Elizabeth Hasselback really tiresome because I can’t stand hearing the stories about her now.

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