Contemplations in boredom…Day Two

Sometimes Mbrotha and I have conversations that are strong evidence that we should probably be committed.  I often wonder if other couples have conversations like ours.  Mbrotha says no.  He also states that our conversations start out innocently enough and then inevitably they take a turn toward the awkward and just plain weird and the culprit of that turn is fabulous moi.  I contest that he’s an active and willing participant of all these conversations. 

*************************************

After reading a recent blog post.

Me:  Did you like it?

Mbrotha:  Yeah, it was pretty funny.

Me:  What was your favorite part?

Mbrotha:  All of it.

Me:  That’s a lie.  Was it where you were gone and *not* the champion of the story?

Mbrotha:  Sure, that was it.

Me:  I know, right!  Did you like how I incorporated Smoky the Bear and Yogi aaaaaaaannnndddd The Lord of the Rings??!!

Mbrotha:  Yeah, that was pretty clever. 

Me:  I know!  I’m awesome!

Mbrotha:  You’re definitely something.

Me:  Yeah!  Awesome!

Me:  Babe? 

Me:  Babe?

Me:  Whatever, I’m awesome.

*****************************************************

While watching the first episode of “The Walking Dead” on AMC.  The scene where the guy from Jericho is contemplating shooting his now-zombified wife.

Mbrotha:  I’d shoot you if you became a zombie.

Me:  Really?  I wouldn’t shoot you.

Mbrotha:  So you’d let me be a zombie?

Me:  No.  I mean, yes.  But no.  What if there’s a cure? 

Mbrotha:  What if there’s not?

Me:  I always have hope. 

Mbrotha:  Pretend there’s not.

Me:  I still couldn’t shoot you. 

Mbrotha:  I would want you to shoot me.

Me:  Yeah, you say that now because you’re still human.

Mbrotha:  You have permission to shoot me in the brain if I become a zombie.

Me:  Not happening buddy, deal with it. 

Mbrotha:  Well, I’d still shoot you.  I don’t want you to be a zombie.

Me:  You’ll never have to face that kind of dilemma because I’ll never be a zombie.  I’m prepared. 

Mbrotha:  Oh yeah?

Me:  Yup!  You’d be a zombie in like five minutes though.

Mbrotha:  No, I wouldn’t. 

Me:  Of course you would.  You aren’t prepared.  And then I’d have to bash you in the head with a shovel and tie you up in the basement until they find a cure.  Be glad you married someone so vigilant for Zombiepocalypse. 

Mbrotha:  So glad. 

Me:  I know.  It’s because I’m awesome.

About five minutes later after the sheriff dude shoots a zombie that’s missing its bottom half.

Me:  Okay, fine.  I’ll shoot you if you’re only half a body.

Mbrotha:  It’s all I ask.

*******************************************************

Passing by a badly decorated house for Christmas.

Me:  Did you see that house?  The one that was decorated for Christmas?

Mbrotha:  The one on the corner?  With the red and purple lights?

Me:  Yeah.  That was awful!

Mbrotha:  I know.  It didn’t look like normal Christmas lights.  It looked like Halloween threw up on Christmas.

Me:  Exactly!

Mbrotha:  The red lights were like blood.

Me:  Yeah, like they were trying to go for a “Nightmare before Christmas” theme but failed.

Mbrotha:  Have a scary Christmas!

Me:  Hey kids, it’s Santa Claus….from Hell!  Ho, ho, horror!

Mbrotha:  Here’s some presents and some murder.

Me:  This Christmas?  Not so jolly. 

Mbrotha:  A little bloodier.

Me:  (to the tune of “Holly Jolly Christmas”)  Have a scary jolly Christmas, It’s the bloodiest time of year.

Mbrotha:  Nice one.

Me:  Thanks.

Three minutes later…

Me:  (still to the tune of “Holly Jolly Christmas”)  Say hello to severed toes, on everyone you meet.

Mbrotha:  Nice.

Three minutes later…

Me:  (Tune of “Holly Jolly”)  Oh, ho, the severed toes, hung where you can see.

Mbrotha:  Ok, babe, stepping over the line.

Three minutes later…

Me:  (Holly Jolly)  Somebody waits for you…

Mbrotha:  Babe!

Me:  Okaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy, fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Three minutes later…

Me:  Kill her once for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

One minute later…

Mbrotha:  There’s something seriously wrong with you.

*****

Probably, but don’t think I didn’t catch him humming it in the grocery store five minutes later. 

P.S. We’re probably going to hell for that last one. 

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6 Comments to “Contemplations in boredom…Day Two”

  1. OMG I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU GUYS.!!!! I could not stop laughing. Just outstanding Ali Here I thought I was weird but you are just 10 on the weird o meter.

  2. Is it weird that I take pride in that?

  3. I’m glad to know there are people in the world as wonderfully messed up as my boyfriend and I… thanks for that.

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