Contemplations in boredom…Day Two

Sometimes Mbrotha and I have conversations that are strong evidence that we should probably be committed.  I often wonder if other couples have conversations like ours.  Mbrotha says no.  He also states that our conversations start out innocently enough and then inevitably they take a turn toward the awkward and just plain weird and the culprit of that turn is fabulous moi.  I contest that he’s an active and willing participant of all these conversations. 

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After reading a recent blog post.

Me:  Did you like it?

Mbrotha:  Yeah, it was pretty funny.

Me:  What was your favorite part?

Mbrotha:  All of it.

Me:  That’s a lie.  Was it where you were gone and *not* the champion of the story?

Mbrotha:  Sure, that was it.

Me:  I know, right!  Did you like how I incorporated Smoky the Bear and Yogi aaaaaaaannnndddd The Lord of the Rings??!!

Mbrotha:  Yeah, that was pretty clever. 

Me:  I know!  I’m awesome!

Mbrotha:  You’re definitely something.

Me:  Yeah!  Awesome!

Me:  Babe? 

Me:  Babe?

Me:  Whatever, I’m awesome.

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While watching the first episode of “The Walking Dead” on AMC.  The scene where the guy from Jericho is contemplating shooting his now-zombified wife.

Mbrotha:  I’d shoot you if you became a zombie.

Me:  Really?  I wouldn’t shoot you.

Mbrotha:  So you’d let me be a zombie?

Me:  No.  I mean, yes.  But no.  What if there’s a cure? 

Mbrotha:  What if there’s not?

Me:  I always have hope. 

Mbrotha:  Pretend there’s not.

Me:  I still couldn’t shoot you. 

Mbrotha:  I would want you to shoot me.

Me:  Yeah, you say that now because you’re still human.

Mbrotha:  You have permission to shoot me in the brain if I become a zombie.

Me:  Not happening buddy, deal with it. 

Mbrotha:  Well, I’d still shoot you.  I don’t want you to be a zombie.

Me:  You’ll never have to face that kind of dilemma because I’ll never be a zombie.  I’m prepared. 

Mbrotha:  Oh yeah?

Me:  Yup!  You’d be a zombie in like five minutes though.

Mbrotha:  No, I wouldn’t. 

Me:  Of course you would.  You aren’t prepared.  And then I’d have to bash you in the head with a shovel and tie you up in the basement until they find a cure.  Be glad you married someone so vigilant for Zombiepocalypse. 

Mbrotha:  So glad. 

Me:  I know.  It’s because I’m awesome.

About five minutes later after the sheriff dude shoots a zombie that’s missing its bottom half.

Me:  Okay, fine.  I’ll shoot you if you’re only half a body.

Mbrotha:  It’s all I ask.

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Passing by a badly decorated house for Christmas.

Me:  Did you see that house?  The one that was decorated for Christmas?

Mbrotha:  The one on the corner?  With the red and purple lights?

Me:  Yeah.  That was awful!

Mbrotha:  I know.  It didn’t look like normal Christmas lights.  It looked like Halloween threw up on Christmas.

Me:  Exactly!

Mbrotha:  The red lights were like blood.

Me:  Yeah, like they were trying to go for a “Nightmare before Christmas” theme but failed.

Mbrotha:  Have a scary Christmas!

Me:  Hey kids, it’s Santa Claus….from Hell!  Ho, ho, horror!

Mbrotha:  Here’s some presents and some murder.

Me:  This Christmas?  Not so jolly. 

Mbrotha:  A little bloodier.

Me:  (to the tune of “Holly Jolly Christmas”)  Have a scary jolly Christmas, It’s the bloodiest time of year.

Mbrotha:  Nice one.

Me:  Thanks.

Three minutes later…

Me:  (still to the tune of “Holly Jolly Christmas”)  Say hello to severed toes, on everyone you meet.

Mbrotha:  Nice.

Three minutes later…

Me:  (Tune of “Holly Jolly”)  Oh, ho, the severed toes, hung where you can see.

Mbrotha:  Ok, babe, stepping over the line.

Three minutes later…

Me:  (Holly Jolly)  Somebody waits for you…

Mbrotha:  Babe!

Me:  Okaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy, fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Three minutes later…

Me:  Kill her once for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

One minute later…

Mbrotha:  There’s something seriously wrong with you.

*****

Probably, but don’t think I didn’t catch him humming it in the grocery store five minutes later. 

P.S. We’re probably going to hell for that last one. 

In dedication to my nephew

Some days you realize that no matter how grown up you think you are, you really know absolutely nothing at all.  My nephew lost a friend of his this week in one of those accidents that can only be described as horribly tragic.  As his aunt, I want to offer words of wisdom that will offer him some comfort during this difficult time.  As an adult you think you’ll have the resources available to handle most situations because chances are you’ve been through something like it in your own life.  Unfortunately, I have no frame of reference for this type of situation.  Every day I see his heartfelt messages on Facebook and it pains me because I want to be able to tell him, this too shall pass, only I don’t know if it will because I have no personal authority on the matter. 

Sometimes you realize that no matter how large of a vocabulary you may have, it’s still not big enough to find the exact right words to help someone you love.  Sometimes you realize that all the pain you’ve experienced and learned from in your own life is utterly useless because it’s not the right type of pain.  Sometimes, no matter how much you’d like to rally otherwise, you’re simply helpless, even though you’re the adult.  So you instead do the best you can and hope that it’s enough, even if it’s really nothing at all.

Dev,

I just want you to know that I love you and I’m here for you if you need me and so is Uncle Tim.  Your song is beautiful and is a touching tribute to Henry.  You’re a wonderful friend and I’m sure Henry is just as touched by your words as the rest of us are.  I wish I could offer more than that.  Please know that I’m only a phone call away if you need to talk. 

I love you, kiddo,

Auntie Ali

I wish I had better words than those.  Instead, I must offer up someone’s else’s and hope that it speaks more eloquently than I ever could.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die…

~Mary Elizabeth Frye