Posts tagged ‘Decidely not AWESOME’

November 26, 2010

Swords, Zombies, and Cartoons: This post’s got it all

I had a conversation with a coworker recently and it inspired me enough to write this post.  She discovered that I’m a bit of a book whore and since then we’ve been making recommendations to one another.  Currently I’m in my Young Adult phase and was trying to describe the premise of The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and she was trying to remember a novel that pretty much every high-schooler reads in their high school career that had a similar post-apocalyptic/utopian kind of feel.  The only two books I can remember reading in high school are Animal Farm and The Catcher in the Rye

I hated both.  Like really hated them.  In a stab-them-with-a-sword-and-display-them-at-the-edge-of-my-yard kind of way.  (Behold!  I am Ali “The Book Impaler!”  Write an interesting novel and ye shall not be impaled!)

When I mentioned this, she regarded me in that typical you hated “The Catcher in the Rye”??? kind of disbelief that most normal folk exhibit upon hearing this sort of earth-shattering news.  Yes, yes, I did.  Holden’s a whiny bitch-ass.  And I don’t much care for repetition.  At certain points of any story, it can be quite effective, yes, agreed.  Calling every person you meet—every single damn one of them—a phony?  Not effective.  It’s aggravating in a stab-you-with-a-sword-and-display-you-at-the-edge-of-the-yard kind of way.  Grow up and grow a pair, Holden. 

But then my co-worker surprised me.  She admitted that she, too, hated it initially.  But she reread it this summer and you know what??  She realized that it’s actually quite funny.  And she suggested I reread it.  Great.  Now she’s on the bandwagon of “Holden Caulfield is the shiznit!”.  Sigh.  Somehow, though, this whole conversation inspired me though.  I realized I barely remember TCITR.  I don’t remember the plot at all, other than Holden’s a whiny bitch-ass that apparently has a limited vocabulary.  So how can I honestly say I hate this book?  And that line of thinking led me to think of all the other things in life I hated that everyone else loved.  And I realized most of the things that I hate originate from my childhood and I haven’t really viewed any of them with an adult eye so perhaps I really don’t hate these things in all reality. 

So you know what?  Challenge accepted, Linds!

Without further ado, I present to you the list of “Things I’d prefer to stab with a sword, but everyone else pretty much loves.”  I’ve decided I will revisit these terrible things and possibly formulate a new opinion.  I will then post said opinion on this here bloggity blog for your viewing pleasure.  I know, I know, I’m just too awesome for words.  It happens.  It’s science.

Things I’d prefer to stab with a sword, but everyone else pretty much loves:

1.  The Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger –  My current opinion:  Holden’s a whiny bitch-ass who needs to open a thesaurus once in a while.  My updated opinion will be a while on this one.  I’m rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows because I desperately want to see the movie but I read it so fast the first time three years ago that I barely remember what happens.  So once that’s all set and done, I’ll tackle TCITR.

Cover of

Cover via Amazon

 2.  “E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial” – My current opinion:  Elliott’s a whiny bitch-ass who needs to get some friends.  Some human ones.  I was nervous about displaying my opinion on this one.  People feel really strongly about E.T.  Mostly I think I hated this movie because E.T. goes all gray and zombie-like and Elliott’s really annoying when he cries about it.  I’ll let you know.  I’m pretty sure I can on-demand it so my updated opinion will be along shortly.

3.  The Beatles My current opinion:  I actually really like them.  So, why then, you ask, are they included on the sword-stabbing list?  In high school (well beyond The Beatles era) it seemed everyone and their brother were experiencing Beatlemania.  And to this day I cannot figure out why.  So that’s why I’m including them on this list.

4.  “A Charlie Brown Christmas – My current opinion:  Kill me now.  Honest to God, I’m looking forward to this one the least.  I want to viciously stab this movie.  But it’s been years since I’ve watched it.  So I don’t think it’s fair that I want to stab it and impale it on like seven different swords. 

That’s all I can think of right now.  Give me some suggestions.  Chances are if you liked it, I probably hated it.  I’m contrary like that.  Maybe we’ll make this an annual thing.

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October 30, 2010

Outrage

This morning I read two separate blog posts by two authors I admire and whose opinions I respect even when they differ from my own.  Both blogs (Jen Lancaster and Jen Armintrout) discussed an article/blog post written by a freelance writer named Maura Kelly for the magazine called Marie Claire.  And both blogs expressed outrage over this blog post.  The title of Ms. Kelly’s article/blog post?

“Should Fatties Get a Room (Even on TV)?”

Ummmmmm…..wow. 

Normally, I’d provide a handy little link for you to mosey your way on over and peruse said article/blog post, but I’ll be damned if I help traffic on that site in any small way.  If you’d like to read it, by all means google it.  (For the record, I recommend you don’t read it.)

I read the article.  And then I reread the article.  And then a third time just to be sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me.  Basically it discusses the new CBS sitcom Mike&Molly and whether or not America, as a general populace, is disgusted by the makeout sessions on the show because the actors are “Fatties”.  According to Ms. Kelly, yes, we are.  And our disgust shouldn’t end there.  Apparently the simple act of watching a “fattie” walk across a room is displeasing, just like a person stumbling is clearly an alcoholic and someone slumped in a chair clearly has a raging addiction to heroine.  The article then goes on to state that losing weight is very simple and that “fatties” just need to commit harder to it and success will be theirs!  She even includes some handy dandy tips.  And once they do, our national healthcare crisis should start to see a turn for the better because the majority of that issue?  Due to fatties. 

Ummmmmm…..wow.

Words fail me.  At first, I kind of laughed, because clearly, this was a joke, right (even though I failed to see exactly where the joke lay)?  So I reread it a second time thinking I’d missed the punchline.  The third time around I just felt tired.  Is Marie Claire hurting for money?  Is this a satire gone horribly wrong?  So many questions.  So many emotions.

I don’t want to comment on the atrocities written by Ms. Kelly.  Plenty of people have done that.  I merely wonder why on earth Marie Claire and any of their editors would have read this article and ultimately decided to give the go for launch.  The mind boggles, it really really does.  The whole thing—the article and the green light on posting it under your umbrella (Marie Claire)—truly baffles me.  It’s almost as if they are advocating bullying because that’s the only purpose this article serves.  It’s baseless, tactless, rude, pandering, atrocious, cruel.  The list just goes on and on and on. 

Self-love is hard enough to attain as it is.  For a lot of people it goes hand-in-hand with outward image and for anyone to compound on that merely for the purpose of starting a discussion or to increase publicity?  Shame on you, Marie Claire.  Shame on you, Maura Kelly. 

I envy anyone who loves themselves exactly as they are.  Bravo to you.  A million trillion times.  You’re my HERO.  Learning to accept yourself and be happy and comfortable in your own skin?  Possibly one of the hardest things I’m learning to do.  And to anyone else who’s bumbling their way along, just like me, on that strange and terrifying journey to self-acceptance, I have this message for you:

YOU’RE AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU. 

October 28, 2010

Dear Jared, Shannon, and Tomo, you kinda broke my heart…

Grrrrrrrrrrr.

I’m mad.  Which isn’t really an apt description, but it’s the best I’m coming up with right now. 

30STM postponed their November 5 Clifton Park show.  And now I’m mad.  Angry, disappointed, disheartened, saddened, frustrated, annoyed.  Take your pick, that’s what I’m feeling.

I’d like to take the high road and be the type of fan who’s mellow about it and says, it’s okay, they’ll make it up to me, I’m sure. 

I’m not that type of fan.

Instead I’m the lucky type of fan who’s a realist and recognizes that the MTV EMA’s are scheduled for November 7 in Madrid.  Coincidence?  Methinks not. 

And here’s my response:

Fella’s, I don’t care how many awards you win.  I don’t care how awesome your videos are.  I don’t care what Rolling Stone writes about you, or if VHI devotes the entire month of October to you.  I care about your music.  I didn’t develop a major music crush because you won Video of the Year at the VMA’s.  I won’t continue to listen to you because you may win an EMA, or a Grammy, or hell, the Noble Peace Prize.  I will continue to listen to you because of September 9 and September 9 only.  Because you came out and rocked the hell out of the Webster and that night?  That night I had the time of my life.  And I would have had the time of my life on November 5.  I would have cheered and shouted and danced and sang and jumped and gladly contracted the zombie plague again.  And I wouldn’t have stopped smiling for at least a week straight.  I would have told everyone and anyone how flipping AWESOME Thirty Seconds to Mars is.  Because of the music.  I would have done this whether I was in the front row or in the nosebleed section. 

November 5?  That night?  You would have lit up my world.  This one singular fan would have had the time of her life.  I don’t care if you win an EMA.  Seeing you in person, rocking together with you, that wins hands down, no contest, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. 

Maybe other fans feel differently.  This fan, though?  She’d rather meet the band, rock out with them, tell them in person how truly AWESOME she thinks they are instead of clicking a friggin button on the computer so maybe someday that band gets an award.  Oh, hey, votes # 254, 857, 2548, and 6895, those votes are mine.  Or was it votes # 352, 526, 1245, and 12451?  No, definitely votes # 17, 652, 4127, and 7415. 

You’re right, electronic signals traveling through wires are EXACTLY the same as a real live and breathing fan telling you they adore you just because.  Yup, that’s definitely better than being told you’re awesome in person.  I can see why you’d want the award more…