Contemplations in boredom, Day Three: Entrepreneurialism

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Dude, Internet, I’m having one of those days.  You know the kind of day where you spend your day writing an ode to “Spider Solitaire?”  That kind of day?  One of those.  What does it mean?  Am I having an existential crisis?  That doesn’t seem likely.  I feel pretty comfortable with my place in the universe.  Mid-life crisis then?  I fucking hope not.  That means I expire far sooner than I’m ready too.  I have a lot of things I want to do in my life and thirty years is not nearly enough time to accomplish those things, thanksverymuch.  So no, not a mid-life crisis.

Oh God, Internet, I know what it is!  I know what’s afflicting me.

Boredom.

Internet, I’m sooooooooooooooooooo bored.  Seems innocuous enough, but I assure you it’s not.  I have always far preferred being busy versus not.   Some people can sit around with their own company and they are perfectly comfortable and at ease doing just that.  Not this gal.  And not because it forces me to look inside and face my own mind.  I’m really comfortable with what bonks around in there.  Me and my brain?  We’re besties.  Sitting around doing nothing just simply makes me feel inactive.  Wasteful.  And that in turn makes me feel anxious and irritable and eventually the kind of batty that generally results in ode’s to computer card games. 

I know the culprit of my boredom.  A lot of it is a direct result of being smack-dab in the middle of the slow season at work (I wrote an ode to Spider Solitaire today, does that give you some idea as to how slow it is?  The other day I wrote a fake interview with Mark Salling.  And was so amused by it that I literally had to stop myself from laughing out loud at least a dozen times while writing it.).  The rest of it is because I finally figured out what my passion is.  I hard-core love writing.  I realized it’s my thang.  This has resulted in insane boredom whenever I’m doing work other than writing.  It consumes my thoughts.  I dream about it.  I can’t wait to get home and write, write, write.  I intensely wish that I had figured this out when I was young and stupid and carefree because I’m quite positive my life would be a heck of a lot different right about now (My professional one.  The rest of it I like just fine.).

I’ve spent a lot of time in my brain the past few weeks and I’ve started thinking how I might entice an eMagazine, like thegloss.com, to hire me as a columnist.  I’ve met me and I’d hire me.  They say you’re your own worst critic so this is probably the best recommendation in the history of recommendations.  I could be their Celebrity Interviewer Columinist.  I’d revolutionize it.  They’d have the most awesome celebrity interviews.  They’d kick every other eMag’s butt. 

Competitor eMag:  Oh, hey, I just interviewed Mark Salling.  I found out he hates his faux-hawk.  Praise me for this awesome journalism!

Me:  Oh really?  You found out he hates his faux-hawk?  Did you find out where he stands on “Vampires vs. Zombies (to the victor goes the humans)?”

Competitor eMag:  Uhhhh….no?

Me:  Well, I did.  And that’s why Mark and I will survive the Zombiepocalypse.  And you probably won’t.  But props to you on the hard-hitting investigative journalism!

This is probably word for word exactly how it would happen.  You’re welcome, thegloss.com.

The other day I was thinking what my form letter requesting they hire me would look like.  Proabably something like this:

It's not pink...but it is scented.

 

Best.  Form Letter.  Ever.

Who wouldn’t want to hire me after a gem like that?  (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)

Now would probably be a swell time to post my ode to “Spider Solitaire.”

“Ode to Spider Solitaire.”

Oh, Spider Solitaire, you fickle beast

I thought I had bested you

With just one suit, I conquered you time and time again

Look at me win! 

I am Ali “Spider Solitaire Champion.”

But then you sly brute, you

You whisper, “Now try me with two suits and see how you do.”

Oh, Spider Solitaire!

You got me!

But wait! 

I have bested you again!

Behold Ali! “Spider Solitaire Champion!”

Not to be outdone, you bellow:  “NOW TRY ME WITH FOUR SUITS!”

And so I have

Oh, Spider Solitaire, you have foiled me!

You best me time and time again

But take care, Spider Solitaire!

I will conquer you!

And if I don’t?

I’m switching back to Freecell.

Not only am I the most awesome of awesomest celebrity interviewers, I write a pretty mean ode if I do say so myself. 

Tag, you’re it, thegloss.com.